TGIJenny

I’ve discovered the secret to not over eating at restaurants. Ok maybe this isn’t so much a secret as it is a way to suppress your appetite. I went to lunch today with mom….yes again! We went to a local mexican restaurant. I vowed not to eat the chips and salsa, which I resisted. I drank water only. I ordered a shrimp fajita chimi (I know it’s fried….bad..bad…bad) I ordered it al la cart but they brought it with beans and rice. Which I DID NOT eat! ;o) about halfway through my chimi I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. There was something crawling up the wall….it was a roach! I totally lost my appetite and could not eat another bite. My mom was like….it’s not like it crawled across your plate…and she just kept on eating. I called the waiter over and made him kill it!

The funny thing is mom made me take my leftovers home. I’m considering giving them to my husband for dinner. Maybe I’ll wait till he’s done eating to tell him the roach story. hahaha! Ok that might be a little mean…..so maybe I just won’t tell him…..heeheehee

Yesterday I went shopping with mom…..yes the mom I wrote about a few days ago. I couldn’t say no to her. Here is how the day went.

We shopped a few stores…Belks, TJ Maxx and Kohl’s. I was looking for a new pair of jeans since admittedly my current jeans were a bit tight. The more I tried on the more depressed I got. I had not fully realized how many sizes I had gone up. Not to mention that having a smaller waist and large hips and thighs make finding the right size difficult. If it fits my waist it’s too tight on my legs. If it fits my legs it’s way to big around my waist. Anyway, I ended up not buying anything. I know they (the diet and fashion people) say to dress for the size you are now, not for the size you want to be. But I just couldn’t do it. I could not accept it. Since I’m trying to loose I figured my current clothes do fit even if a bit snug so as long as I’m loosing they will eventually loosen up. Right?? In my mind if I get the bigger size I am giving in; allowing myself to accept the weight gain and be ok with it. Well I’m NOT ok with it!

 After giving up on shopping we went to lunch. My fat self was ready to just dive in and eat till I was no longer depressed even though we all know that is not how it works. I usually feel even more depressed afterwards.  But I didn’t,  I just kept repeating to myself “it’s up to you, your actions determine your outcome” So instead I ordered water, grilled fish and greens. Of course I had to tell my mother “no” about 10 times because she kept offering me part of her lunch. I even passed up Starbucks afterwards and I LOVE starbucks.

I think the overall experience has made me more determined then ever to loose this weight again. I’m so used to doing cardio that I think my body isn’t responding to it like it used to. I’ve printed off some simple at home strength training exercises to help tone and kick start my metabolism. I was hoping to loose 30 by New Years, but I think it’s more realistic to say 30 by Valentine’s Day. For now I’ll take it one pound at a time.

Be strong!

I have a pretty close relationship with my mom. She is a bit high maintenance though. She gets upset and gets her feelings hurt VERY easily. The problem is back in my fat days, mom and I ate together a lot. We were either going out to eat or I was going to my parents house for dinner. Big, fat laden dinners! We are southern and not many meals didn’t have something fried. Once I made a commitment to loose weight we stopped going to eat as often. Since then mom has made the comment many times that she ”misses the old Jenny”.  Over the past several months I’ve slipped back into the habit of eating out with her and now that I have taken a break from working she calls almost daily wanting to go eat lunch. I’ve told her many times that I can’t just hang out and eat with her everyday. Of course this hurts her feelings. I’ve even tried to discourage her lunch invites by telling her that since I’m not working she would have to pay for my lunch. This made no difference. I try to pick the healthier foods when we do go eat. But she just can’t accept the fact I am trying to loose the weight I’ve gained back. When I get my food she’ll say “is that all your going to eat?” She tries to put part of her food on my plate to get me to eat more. Have I mentioned that my mother is 5′6″ and weighs about 115? She is stick thin and has NEVER had a weight problem. She had 4 kids includeing me and never gained more than 20 pounds when pregnant. 3 of us have struggled with weight since childhood. No matter how many times I tell her no, she guilts me into going. 

I’ve tried to replace our lunches with shopping but when she loudly proclaims “ they never have what I like in a size 2″ it makes shopping a bit depressing.  

 Sorry for the rant, but I know her call will be coming soon and I’m trying to gear up for the guilt.

I am going to assume I am not alone when I ask…. why do we, as women, have to deal with our emotions as if we are on a run away roller coaster?  I swear I have run the gamut of emotions today. Earlier I was cheerily cleaning up the house then all of a sudden for no apparent reason I started crying….not just a little I was freakin’ sobbing! Feeling a major pity party coming on and trying to fight the desire to just go to bed, I got on my computer for something to either push me over the edge or perk me up. I scrolled through my progress pictures, there are many! I opened up my fattest most unhappy picture and just started bawling. I DON’T WANT TO EVER BE THAT WAY AGAIN! I have put 30 pounds back on but I’m still 46 pounds from my heaviest. So with iPod in hand I went up stairs and got on my treadmill. All the while, wiping the tears from my eyes and snot from my nose. I just finished a total of 55 mins (45 on treadmill and 15 on Gazelle) and I feel SO much better.  It may take a while to get these pounds off but I’ll be damned if I gain anymore.

I feel a bit guilty for not keeping up with my original commitment and for not posting and keeping in touch with my buddies. Things with me got a bit turned up side down. I got a new job because I thought my old job and co-workers were stressing me out to much. Ends up after just two days at my new job, I realized it wasn’t the job after all…it was just me. I had one of many recent emotional breakdowns and ended up quiting my new job. My husband has been more than understanding. We both know this will put a financial strain on things for a while but I really need some time to focus on ME. I was stressed because I wasn’t happy with me.

As some of you know I previously lost 76 pounds in 2006. Over the course of the last year and a half I have put 30 pounds back on. Most from just not paying attention and eating whatever, whenever I wanted and not working out. When I found this site I was excited and gung-ho about loosing the weight again. I got down a few pounds and then let the stress back in. I’ve relapsed and gained it back plus a couple more. I’m hoping that since I have more time for myself now that I can get control again. I’ve been walking daily and eating much better. Not having the money to go out to eat 3 or 4 times a week really does help. ;o)

Here’s to all of us that keep coming back!

Today at work one of the “bigger” girls that works there called me up and asked me about some food she saw in the fridge. She wanted to know if it was mine. I told her that it was but if she wanted it I didn’t have a  problem with her eating it.  She said, “well I figured if it belonged to anyone it would have to be you, you are the only one here that seems to eat healthy.”  :o)  

She starting telling me that she had been working out and trying to eat healthier and had lost 10 pounds so far. I told her I was trying to loose the weight I had put back on. I totally forgot she didn’t work there when I was bigger so when she said ” I have 60 more to go!” she said it as if I wouldn’t understand what it was like to have to loose 70 pounds.  I knew just telling her that I had been there wouldn’t be enough so I printed out my progression pictures. As I was loosing before, I would take a picture every 5 to 10 pounds. I’ve put them all side by side in a word document with the date and weight listed above each. Anyway, I took the printout to her and told her I wanted to show her that I understood exactly what she was dealing with. She almost fell out of her chair. She was shocked at how different I looked in each picture.  She just kept thanking me and saying “that is the inspiration I needed”.  Honestly, knowing someone else might be inspired by me, helps keep me working hard to get back to my goal.  

Hello all, I’m still around, just been busy this week. Had a final for my summer class to take, made yet another “A” I’m happy to report. lol. Had a dentist appointment yesterday. To be honest I would rather go see the gyno Dr. than have dental work done. Of course when they have to numb up both sides of your mouth your pretty much guaranteed to not over eat that night. You’re lucky if you get to eat at all. :o)

Just to report in, I’ve done well with my eating and working out. Although I didn’t do it last night, but going to the dentist takes a lot out of me. I was exhausted by the time I got home. I get so tensed up. Although it isn’t my offical weigh-in day I did weigh this morning and I’m down again. Yea Me!! I think it’s -5.5 lbs now. It’s my TOM so hopefully I can keep it down and have a good weigh-in on Sunday.

I hope everyone has a super week and remember to keep on chuggin along… :o)

Ok I did not fall off the wagon but I was dangerously close to dangling off the side.  I didn’t workout as much as I had planned this week. Did get a good 45 mins in today and of course the couple of hours I spent cleaning the house today. Most of my food choices were good…except for the 2 (small) pieces of pizza I had last night. I went to lunch with mom today, Red Lobster, I did ok….. I had dressing on the side of my salad, had grilled salmon with toasted macadamia nuts and shredded coconut and steamed broccoli as my side. And totally confused the waiter when I asked for the to-go box at the beginning of the meal. I put half of my meal in the box and put it aside. I also ordered water and had brought one of those water flavor packets with me. Not only did I get some of my water in for the day, but I saved 2.19 for a soft drink.  lol

 My official weigh-in for the week is tomorrow. I’m hoping it doesn’t go up any, my TOM is next week and that always throws me off.

Ok in my previous post I mentioned that I had a VERY strong feeling my husband was going to want to go out for Chinese…buffet, no less. Well I was right. I had a dentist appointment and hair appointment this afternoon (I don’t even want to discuss how bad it turned out!!) . I emailed to let him know I wouldn’t be home until around 5:00. He emailed back and asked if I wanted to meet him at the buffet. I quickly shot an email back and told him I would rather just pick up chinese take-out instead. So I did. I ordered one Sesame chicken dinner. I got a few pieces for myself with a small amount of the rice and let him have the rest. Although, I know I could have fixed me something more healthy I felt pretty proud that I didn’t pig out at a buffet. And let me tell ya, this particular one not only has the yummiest little cakes, but they also have 6 flavors of baskin robins ice cream, that you scoop yourself…..no one watching how many times you go back or how many flavors you get….not that I would have ever gone back for seconds. teeheehee :o)

I honestly feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I’m sitting at my desk at work…sshhhh don’t tell my boss I’m blogging. lol I went to cross my leg and my hip locked up on me. Maybe I should have warmed up before we had sex last night. hahaha

I did push myself to workout last night, could only do 30 mins on the treadmil. Now I have a freakin’ blister! This always happens. I don’t know why but I have really soft sensitive feet.  And I know what you are thinking…it’s the shoes. But it’s not if I wear the same pair of shoes a few days in a row I end up with a blister. I’ve got sooo many shoes and honestly it doesn’t matter which ones I wear. So this means I must take tonight off, which is not going to be good.

My husband has been patient each night, waiting for me to finish my workout and shower before I make dinner. But I have a really strong feeling that if I don’t workout he is going to try to talk me into going out to eat. I know at most restarants I can choose the healthier stuff and take half home, but he LOVES the chinese buffet and would probably eat there every night if he could. I know that is where he is going to want to go!!  IF he insists on going there I WILL be strong and make the best choices I can. I WILL BE STRONG! You’ll see!

I did well with my food choices today. Drank so much water, I should have just put my computer in the bathroom at work. I’m sure my boss though I didn’t do anything today. If I wasn’t going to pee, I was refilling my water cup. lol

 Lets see, chocolate protein shake for breakfast. I mix it with coffee in my cup blender to make it thick and frothy. It’s like having a mocha cappuccino….sorta. Snack - Carb and Sugar control vanilla yogurt, which taste like icing… If I could get my tongue in that damn little cup I swear I’d lick it clean! lol

Lunch was Healthy Choice, blackened chicken with rice and caramel apple crisp. Only 350 cals. Honestly, I like them because of the dessert. Gives you just a little bit of something sweet to satisfy. After all I’m a southern girl and you always follow a meal with something sweet. Ok maybe not!  Dinner was a little concoction I put together, chicken breast tenders (cut up) with onions, roasted red peppers, garlic and low sodium diced tomatoes, a sprinkle of oregano and basil. I put it on top of a few cheese and spinach tortellini. It was pretty good! Hopefully, I won’t get too hungry during the night.

When I got home from work I didn’t feel lke working out. I had a LONG and BORING day at work. I just wanted to veg out on the couch. I know I was going to have to admit to it on here tonight. Admit to being lazy…….so I marched my jiggly butt upstairs and got busy! I did 25 on the treadmill and only 10 on the gazelle tonight. My foot was really bothering me before I even got on the gazelle but I talked myself into doing “just one more minute” and then another and another. I felt satisfied with my efforts once I hit 35 mins. I didn’t want to risk any type of injury by pushing myself any further.

Not to jinx things but I’m down 3 pounds already!! Probably water, but who cares 3 pounds is 3 pounds! My goal for the week is to try to loose 5….fingers are crossed.

I walked on the treadmil for 25 mins today and the used my gazelle for 15 mins. It’s been a month or so since I last used them. Although I was having conflicting feelings. First I was all siked up to give it my all. I listen to some pretty good cardio music that really gets you going. I was focusing on my breathing, my posture and my stride. Then I began to notice other things….like the fact my legs where rubbing together and my butt was jiggling. No matter how much I tried to flex with each step. It’s like it was independent of the rest of my body.  I have always been thick all over but it seems that my rear is the last place to loose and the first place I gain.  Damn my sexy curves! lol

Hmmm…quick thought…does jiggling burn calories? :o)

I wasn’t really planning on starting “New” today. Which is a good thing cause between lunch with mom (Red Lobster) and movie (yes I had butter on my popcorn) and dinner with my husband, today is shot!

 Tomorrow will be a much better day. I bought a few of the food items tonight that I used to eat when I was dieting before. My whey protein powder that I mix with my coffee in the morning instead of using a creamer or the “low carb” chocolate milk I’ve gotten hooked on. The protein powder has 20g of protein which keeps me fuller longer than the cereal I usually have. It’s chocolate flavored so it’s really good blended with water, ice and a banana for a pre-workout meal.

I think my biggest problem is making myself workout. I have a treadmil and a gazelle. But knowing I have to do an hour of cardio to get decent results isn’t very motivating.  I have tried to get my husband to workout with me. He did it for a while but will only do 30 mins and really doesn’t put much effort into when he does. I would love someone I could be accountable to.  Someone who will “get on my ass” if I miss a scheduled workout day. I’m hoping using the forum will workout better than the ones I’ve tried before.  I don’t want people to who are just “supportive”. Say I have a crap day and eat horribly or don’t workout when I say I’m going to. Well, I honestly don’t want to hear ” It’s ok, you’ll do better tomorrow”….. I would rather hear ” that kind of behavior isn’t going to get the weight off…get off your ass and do something”  :o)

I need to be challenged. I like competition. So here is my challenge to who ever reads this. Bring it on!

Let me give a little background. In Jan of 2006 I decided I was longer going to be the “big girl” anymore. I weighed in at 221. Over the course of the year I lost 78 pounds. Shortly after surpassing my goal I met Jason, who I married 5 months later. We have now been married a little over a year and within that year I have put on almost 30 pounds. What can I say….we LOVE to eat!! And admittedly got lazy.

 I have tried several times over the last 6 months to get back on track and loose the weight. In April we (Jason and I) did really well. I lost 12.5 and he lost 15. I’m not sure what happened but we seriously fell off the wagon. I ended up gaining back 16.5 pounds. Once I got to my goal I gave away all the clothes that got to big for me. Now I’m kinda wishing I hadn’t. But then again, I don’t want to get comfortable at this weight. I want to be back down to 145 at least. I’m hoping this will help me be more accountable.